Dummy! dummy! dummy! dummy!  Woe is me. You are reading from the dumbest man alive. 
  The stunningly poised and beautiful Barabara Gibbs from channel 11 news came in today.   She was wearing a bright blue , Greek inspired dress to match her eyes.  Her blond hair was coifed just perfectly with a curly strand cascading past her left  cheek and swaying as her eyelash brushed by.  Her smooth, almond  skin framed by  silver jewelry drew me in, until her velvet voice awoke me to reality.  I commented on how cheery her team looks and sounds at 4a.m. She smiled. She gives me a warm vibe each time she comes in. Had she dressed for me? Does she pass by the other UPS store just to visit me?  Do I dare compliment her looks, while I am at work?     I went for it!          I exclaimed  "you look fantastic!"  Her smile lenghtened .She straightened. The fringes of her gown raised. ( The compliment was obviously striking a positive note). In my wildest dreams, only, would she be interested in me, but had my tide come in? Was the perverbial door opening for my advances? The answer would have been yes, until I tacked on a suffix sentence to the "fantastic" comment.  When I added "what is the occasion?" She deflated like a beach ball in a theater full of porcupines. A visible pall came over her face , and she turned all attention to my learing, goofy co-worker.  No amount of stomping or head slapping or Ice House will depress my self- loathing.
  Oh Barbara!  Will you ever return? Will your eyes be so bright, and your voice so warm?  Is all hope gone for me?  Maybe Tica Lema will stop by. She simply thinks I am a stalker. Maybe we can get over that.

Even my fingertips are sunburned. Not really,but it was over 100 degrees during the golf tournament in Lumberton. I didn't have a ride, and the last bus had left  that Friday night. .,Randy called to say his appointment in Raleigh    was next month and not this weekend , so I was resigned to miss the tournament.  Then my mom called and asked if I wanted her to come and get me for the tournament. I declined, of course, but she insisted and would be here in 2 hours. I felt very guilty but knew she would get off on the motherly, care-giver part. How could I say no to mom?              The course is fantastic. Water is a hazard on 15 holes. The walk around the twin lakes is 2 miles and features little to no shade.   Four rounds in high temps would prove to be the stiffest opponent. My disc-golf  nemeses put up no offense, and I opened a 14 stroke lead at the half way break. I literally played from shade to shade when possible. I dragged-ass from the first hole. I did anything to stay hydrated and slow. Dizzzyness and nausea were very close bynear the end of the rounds.. Memories still haunt me of my failurel at the World Championships in 2001.  Growing nausea overwhelmed me even as I contiinued to climb the leaderboard. Had I drank too much water? or had the heat gotten to me?  I am not even a foot note in that  tournament roster. Bitter, unfinished business.     I could not allow this heat to beat me, even if I had to kick my disc.  I survived the day, showered long, and refueled at Fuller's Buffet. The 95 degree temps were welcome on day two. A steady breeze cooled necks and caused discs to stray off course. I didn't care- I had a 14 stroke lead, and it just got bigger no matter how nonchalantly I threw. We all  finished as friends, and I won $60 and a nice trophy. Donnie thrwe his first hole-in-one today!  I hope to dominate next weekend at Dave Mansfield's tournament.  Frankly, I would be happy to not be stung by a bee.

Johnny knoxville used my Uretha Franklin joke during his tribute to Evel Knievel. Unfortunately he was describing his torn urethra after a failed attempt at a motorcycle back flip. I should've registered the term when I had the chance.

  I'm glad it is raining tonight. That should wash away any remaining foot prints or tire tracks from the scene. somedayseattle  may have a different recollection of the event, but here is my side. tinytadpole  was huckin' barbque sandwiches at game 3 of the hockey playoffs, so chip and I went to christen NC State's new golf course. A full description of the course is in a previous post. There was one car parked in the new lot, and a couple work trucks were pulling out as we arrived. There should have been no one around, since it was a holiday evening, but we had discs in hand and were eager to throw on this fresh track. We strolled up to the longest tee pad for what we believe  is hole 1.  The green looked a mile away. A golf ball will fly 3 times farther than a disc is thrown, so we would probably get a 9 if this were a real hole. Our scores were of no consequence as we launched our first drives down the fairway. Storm clouds were gathering overhead, but we threw again and again. Chip can throw pretty far. I noticed a guy in blue shorts and white t shirt behind the green on the golf cart path.He seemed to be watching us approach, but I figured he wasn't an authority and would jog on in a minute. I hollered to somedayseattle  I was gonna hit the green with this one. A long ,flat drive was right on line and skimmed across the finely trimmed grass. Chip skimmed in like manner. I fetched his disc, but why was that dude walking toward me with my disc? Was he curious about our game or our skills? Of course not! He was some f*** nut with an authority complex. He began " I don't think They would appreciate people being out here on the course." ( what about you, douchebag?) As a pacifist with a short fuse I usually blow off contentious situations, so I lilted back to him " we'll risk it". He inserted " I have a healthy appreciation for golf courses, and I would appreciate it if you would stay off the greens". Well the entire reason we were on the course was to thumb our noses at those who appreciate the man-made destruction of 100 acres of pristine woodscape and call it a golf couse. Oh! Did I mention they have installed 1 bird house on each fairway. That seems equitable. Incredulous as I was at the "greens speech" I agreed we would not walk on the greens. He snorted at my back "are you sure!?"  He may have been a jogger, but I am a mu-fu'n athlete, and he was surprised how fast I pounced on him-choke hold fashion. My right elbow squeezed his chin, and my left locked behind his head. He barely struggled as I crushed his neck and he went to sleep. I slid his carcass down a watery gully, and we played the next hole, but headed toward the car. I think we stopped for Burger King on the way  and watched the hockey game. I would do it again.                DON'T TREAD ON ME!

   Memorial Day and weekend is known for cookouts and family travel. Many people go to the beach or Charlotte for the World 600. The Indy 500 featured a glorious and tear soaked victory by Castroneves. Believe it or not we had both Saturday and Monday off from the UPS store.The UPS car won the World 600, by the way. I am lucky to have good friends with wander lust like me. I use to drive every where all the time. I loved to drive! My bad eyes ended that . Rob and Marcia invited me on a day trip along the "BBQ Highway". I love me some BBQ. We ended up going the other direction towards Burlington and Reidsville. Burlington is really looking up. They hae a very nice city park. There are 5 great rides for children . An antique merry-go-round with ornately painted animals spins quickly to the music of a rare old caliope.  I was amazed athe variety of animals- horses, giraffes, camels, ostriches, chickens, lions and tigers. Mirrors and colorful scenes and paintings cover every available surface. They have a mini train that winds through the trees and over a little stream. The driver sits on top of the engine like Steve Martin in "The Jerk"'. Imagine the most cartoonish helicopters and airplanes and hang them in a circle around colrful arms , and you have a thrilling aerial ride. It is between the collection of four wheel vehicles and tractors and hummers kids can ride and a cool boat ride that actually floated in a circle with simple levers and motor, simply way cool! We programmed the GPS for Hursey's BBq restaurant. It is very well known in that area and even has wholesale and shipping capabilities. The food was very good  We left with full bellies and half a tank of gas, so we flipped a coin and headed to Chinqua-Penn Plantation in Reidsville. Have you ever heard  of it? We arrived too late for the house tour, but it does cost $20 a head. Maybe they will show it on "America's Castles" again. We enetered the squeaky door to the gift shop. This is where you purchase the tour tickets and buy trinkets. A large open door beckoned those who paid into the light of day and society on the lower patio in front of the castle. Of course we were not allowed there. But while the jaded cashier was counting nickels, I slipped onto the patio. I felt her dark gaze on my neck, so I wobbled toward the outer gate and struck up inane talk with some old guy. There is a sweet clock tower made of stone that , no doubt, sounded throughout the plantation for all to hear for a hundred years. Just to show that no heinous fee can keep me from seeing a nice house- I scanned the chain link fortress for an opening , and then I sprinted to where no squatter would dare. A quick wave to Marcia made sure that my immature stunt went noticed. We zig zagged our way towards home for a couple hours and got home before the drop of the puck with the Hurricanes! Mom use to try to convince us rambuncsouis kids to go to sleep by saying " youv've had a big day". It never worked, but I was sleepy after all that ridin' Wait til you hear abou the rest of the weekend!

 Work was very slow today.  It felt good to come home after 9 full hours. That guy came in to make copies . He coughs and hacks without complete disregard for those around him. I asked him if he had swallowed a cat.  The "kid" and I were in a discussion with a customer about "wolverine". Some people seemed excited by this new movie, so I tried to burst their bubble by explaining how he became  the wolverine after being bitten by a wolverine. They had to stumble and regress to bring me up to speed on the true origins of this mammalian super hero/rodent. A hot mama entered with her two runts and took interest, as her runts were ought to like some new-fangled super hero/ rodent. That is when I began to inquire about the super hero called the "cougar". The MILF snickered. She may have been a cougar herself. I boasted that wolverine was created after being bitten by a wolverine, but when I was bitten by the "cougar" all I got was a hickey. I will get her number next time , I guess.?   I zipped out the back door of the shop, angling to the right and down the hallway to the alley- then down the ramp   beside the loading dock . I like to grab the rail and throw my feeet over- like the Fonz or something.. The laundromat door is right there and I can buy a pepsi. I do this every day. Two women were enthusiastically praising  the lord for their lives and troubles and happiness and the dryers and the washers and the quarter machine, which is where I was, so I could buy a pepsi. God is cool with me, so it all sounded edifying, but I laughed when one was complete of her laundry and hollered to the other " see ya' in the next life!" The other bellowed...Amen!  I added "you'll  probably see her next week doing laundry". The day was capped off with a chance for me to escalate a situation on the telephone. As you may have been taught- you can either escalate a situation or de-escalate a situation. I too am familiar with  this but like to ignore it..  This dude dropped off a high-value package which requires a signature. We don't actually process these, so we don't sign and take responsibility for these. However, the driver is happy to sign it and we can fax or hold the hard copy for the dropper offer. The guy said ok and left for a few minutes. He came back and handed me a cell phone in a shoving fashion. Some snot-nosed, hot-shot demanded i explain why I couldn't sign. Because I had explained it clearly to his underling, I knew this was a set up.I re-explained one time. He again demanded to know why I couldn't sign. I  told him if he didn't like it, he could go somewhere else! He retorted,"did you raise your voice to me?"  I yelled"yes! I am very immature, and am likely to say something loud and embarassing and was prepared to do it!!" He said ok, just send me a faxed copy".
   It seems like my vision is so clear,while those around me walk in a fog.

 There is this show called Discovery Project Earth. They have invented a way to scrub co2 from the air so the Earth won't heat up and devour us and our Camrys. It is an amazing 20 foot tall tower. It is filled with thousands of honeycombs of electrified metal. When you pour caustic soda through the top and suck in air at the bottom- air blows out that has less co2!  So far it uses more power in co2 than it scrubs from the air. The theory is if you place enough of these towers grouped all together by the thousands, we might  be able to make a difference. This would cost 10s of billions of dollars............ Has any one else noticed that thousands of towers filled with co2 scrubbing cellular honeycombs already exists. It's called a forest!  you f'ing morons!  Plant a gall darn tree if you want to save the planet.   Make it a fruit tree if you want to make a difference. Egad! Those of you with common sense please step forward.

   More than a month since my last entry and, believe me, I am more upset about having nothing to write than how sad you are, because I am so interesting.  Drive-by-don and I have been playing a bit of golf- he is improving. Some great company and eats with Rob and Marcia. The nice weather has allowed for as much scooting as the 36 volts will take me. The new golf course on NCState's campus is nearly complete. You can discern dark patches of grass that represent the multiple tee positions. The fairways are planted with a different grass and sand traps are in. The greens are a forest green color with soft, bent grass. Cement paths for the golf carts created a multi-mile string beginning at what will be hole 1 and ends behind hole 18.  I lain under a tree beside a giant boulder on the course's highest point. You can see the Raleigh skyline from there. The finishing touches of signage and defined borders and flowers are not there., but strangley, there is a singular bird nest on every hole.  So I plan on shredding the paths with my Ego scooter again   and playing a round of disc-golf before they close the velvet ropes to pond scum like me.  Tee-hee. They think discs will damage their precious installation. In reality, each golfer whacks the ground more than 80 times per round while our discs slide on top for the most part. Oooh, there is so much ignorance in the ivory towers of education.  As far as disc golf goes, I am still in 2nd place overall after 7 events.The guy I trail is in my division. I am ahead of 170 people or so. I hope to make a move at the tourney next Sunday in Davidson.    The Hurricanes are kicking ass!  Obama is sucking ass!  But life goes on.    HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY    I will try to write more often.

  It seems a guy can't fall down a couple flights of stairs, and have a few high speed car accidents without some dude saying you've got arthritis in your neck!  I have not felt well for months. I just figured it was post-election blues that never went away. I thought it was my flufffy blankets that made me want to sleep forever. I thought my recent emotional relationships with women had caused my lack of interest in other womenand life. But, really I just feel different than ever before- blah, feverish, irritable, stuffy, weak. They say the body falls apart  after age 40. But how can I dominate the over-50 basketball league when I don't even want to wash my laundry at age 42? I have insurance via Medicare, because I am blind, so I may as well begin working the alphabet of health providers to find a solution to my blues and fatigue. I have had fever for practically 3 months, which is often accompanied by sniffles and head congestion. I thought a bad tooth may be causing the infection and subsequent fever, but my Dentist said the tooth was fine and reccomended an Endodontist for further evaluation. I already have an appointment with a Family practicioner for a complete physical. Last month the Orthopedist told me how to  treat my tennis elbow, but the Podiatrist would have to deal with my toes. The toe-man said I need to see a Vascular specialist for my vericaose veins. Even though  I am over age 40 the Urologist said I was ok. You see where I am going with this? The Chiropractor says all my symptoms are the result of my corkscrew spinal column. I guess I can cancel my appointment with the  Gastroenterologist about my queezy tummy. If a clear answer is not reached soon, either a Psychiatrist or Neurollogist may enter the picture. Ooh! the sun is sshining! I think I will be fine.

  I was standing outside of the UPS store today- just leaning against the metal upright between the tall glass windows. The weather was perfect and I could hear music coming from the planter box in front of me. These planters and speakers are spaced every 30 feet or so  around Cameron Village. If you have ever worked in a hotel or elevator or office that pipes Muzak into the environment, you will recognize the tunes as originating from Muzak channel 2.  There is always a clash of sound in the air, however, as The Village Deli plays their own eclectic mix  of songs directly to those dining under their burgundy awning. I usually like the Deli's tunes better...and their chicken tenders with vidalia onion dressing, too. Traffic was slow and not too many people around, so it was especially quiet for  mid-afternoon in the Village.  A third sound was in the air. A third song! Now where is that coming from, I asked myself. somedayseattle  use to always give away his arrival with some kind of crushing, metal music from his car, but that wasn't it.  I started walking to the left in slow pursuit of the music, like a dog with one ear cocked to the side. Was it that "children's" band performing outside of Baskin-Robbins?  The music grew louder and was clearly a woman's voice.  The melody came into audible focus as I now strided closer.            R-E-S-P-E-C-T ....find out what it means to me               The singer was revealed as soon as I turned the corner...but it was actually just a crotch!
   Uretha Franklin!   hahahahahahaha!

   Sorry I haven't updated in a while, so here is another oldie but goodie.

                                   San Franciscoby stretchwith

                               

                                At midnight and on the 29th floor fire escape of the Crown Plaza Hotel,

                 I concluded that my first trip west of Alabama was a great decision.

                 Chip and David had been to San Francisco several times and knew all the usual hot spots, and some off-street gems. We headed straight for Chinatown where i was blown away with the retail options, and who knew there are so many variations of fried dumplings- all in 8-foot-wide rest-

                   aurants. And i would bet the sum of a cable car ride , the smiley, freckled

                   servant and owner lives upstairs behind the drying laundry. Do you want a Buddha in 18 different sizes or long for a collection of preciously metallic

                   versions of this diety? You are in the correct place. The overwhelming array of souvenirs; some beautiful and superior, some seem to be "made in Japan".   We ate at Cathey House restaurant across from the old St. Mary's church. Fantastic! Like some famous New York restaurant, they had many photos of famous people who dined there .

                            You have got to get the unlimited pass for the cable cars, BART, and MUNI. We got ours at the visitors center at the Powell Street Station. For

                   3 days we paid $15, but don't take the BART to the airport unless your wearing roller skates. ..... With bus pass in hand, i never intended to walk all the way to Golden Gate Park. My yellow K.C. Gazelle and orange Champion Shark golf discs didn't bother anyone swinging in the sun as i strode my way some 10 miles across San Fran. " You are walking where?!" did not deter me at all as i asked for directions each 30 minutes or so. If you've ever wanted to calculate the time to walk from Crown Plaza to Golden Gate Park, save your Converse. It took me 4 hours! Now before you cringe, i saw San Francisco more intimately than any $30 and meet at 8:00 AM tour can provide. I walked up Russia Hill and past GRace Cathedral.  I knew if i kept zig-zagging i would get a view from Pacific Height; the money shot of Golden Gate Bridge. Every single house is unique and old and a survivor. San Franciscans can put more landscaping and decor and creativity into a 6' by 7' yard than you can believe. Filbert is more than a nut, it is also a street that ends at a huge overgrown wall that hides the Presidio. A foxy mail carrier grimaced as i asked directions to my disc golf fun. "Still that far, huh?" Once i got to the top of these crazy 3-block high stairs, the stroll turned to a mission. Now i was sweating. Now i was invested. As i attempt to catch my breath- in the pike position, an ancient , waif of a chinese lady was completeing her 3rd of her 6 daily flights up and down. Hey! someone from Raleigh and now all i have to do is follow Divisidero and then through the Univ. of San Francisco and then down Arguello to the park....yes!. Now did i mention that on our first walk to Chinatown, i asked a hip looking dude where the disc golf course is he let loose a verbal denial of any f***ing person finding anything in that huge f***ing park. Okay standing at the corner of Arguello and Broad, Golden Gate Park stretches out all the way to the ocean and I am thirsty! 33 blocks! 33 blocks later and not a single red top or IGA or7-11. Every weary step was moving me closer or farther away from the disc golf course wherever that is in the now apparantly huge f***ing park. Sometimes God sends angels. She had no water, but, she saw some guys carrying those funny  "frisbees" also, just around the corner of 33rd ave.!.Looloolooloolooloo! I made it!. Disc golf and its players are sort of an unspoken fraternity. i met Ian, who looks exactly like Chandler Bing, a super chill Chicano, and a host of locals. morris and his girl joined us at Ian's. we drank beers and watched NBA. Some glorious red bud and they dropped me at the BART. Oh, this is supposed to be about disc golf. The course is just

                   "okay", but they have beautiful big trees and a large enthusiastic bunch of newbies. The population is going to force more courses to open and will improve and "wear in" the hilly, curvy , windy course. I got the hugest, most colorful bruise ever falling backwards over a log. It was fun to identify objects in the colors as my bruise evolved. This was no problem for "nicki" at the Koream massage parlor..........more to come.....

                             No matter which direction you face reveals a view of the city, or the Bay, or the Pacific Ocean, or the Golden Gate Bridge, or Alcatraz, or the high hills adourned with radio towers like  Telegraph Hill.                        Most cities would be happy to have even 2 of San Frans dozens of landmarks and attractions. The best view of all came as i inched my feet toward the edge of the exposed fire escape. the

                   flimsy iron barrier may or may not have legitimately passed its last inspection and the cool air and traffic noise 29 floors below added to the expectation. Wow! as I craned my neck to the left i could see the  lights shimmering in the low lands and ending at the waters edge near SBC Park. Powell st. far below and up the hill to the right waved the huge flag of the Hamilton Hotel. San Francisco is awesome fun and full of culture, and paints over your previous notions with colors and lifestyle and possibilities.

      I am from New Hampshire. That should tell you 2 things- I complain a lot, and my independent streak runs deep and wide....and some would say leads to foolishness.  On Friday afternoon I rode the trusty Ego scooter about 5 miles up and down some nice hills and arrived early , like a good patient, for my appointment at Triangle Ortho Clinic . The sheceptionist told me about my appointment across town, and insisted there was time to get there, because I had been a good patient and had arrived early.  I didn' even get into the whole I don't drive- I am legally blind- blah, blah, blah. The reason I had chosen this particular office is because of their location. Doctor's take note! : list 1 damn phone # per office and not multiple locations with a central appointment staff. She should have told me where she booked me.   So! I was massively, massively, dissapointed. I felt the best course of action was to take the life of the sheceptionist.   What if I broke her legs? It is an Ortho clinic. But no, I am so used to being let down by others,  I silently sunk my head into the rock kicking position and walked toward the door..numb, unresponsive. My scooter was just outside chained in the sunshine beside a low wall.  I plopped back with a sigh onto the wall. I didn't cry, but emotion was welling in me. Rebooking the appointment was very inconvenient, but almost being killed on my scooter to get to the failed appointment can cause lingering emotional effects.    The traffic was light in the middle of Friday afternoon- very light. The only hairy section of road between Cameron Village and 3633 Harden road is Lake Boone Trail. The only alternatives to crossing the large highway called the Raleigh beltline are either the long way around, or through Meredith college, across the pedestrian bridge, and through the long and winding Art Museum. However, there are absolutely no motor vehicles allowed this way.  I 've done it before, so I went Lake Boone Trail. The electric motor was whining as she plunged down the hill, and the tires were audibly gripping through the S-curves. No cars at all!, so  As I went into the shadow of the highway bridge, the left lane was clear, and my turn to the office just ahead. I took the lane and looked up in horror as I passed under a red light. The cars were not coming yet, but my heart sank.  I have wrecked my bike twice, but have never felt so exposed in traffic. I will be more careful.   My next lament was how to get to my rescheduled appointment. The traffic would be too heavy I surmised, so I would pay $15 for a taxi and ride the bus back.  But somedayseattle  convinced me to go the no-motor route, because what flat-foot is going to catch me on my steed? It is true that most people smile and wave at me and my scooter, because we are just so darn non threatening. BAM!! sucker!
  Here is the foolish part: saving $15 seemed more important than freezing. The bright sunshine of Monday morning concealed a scooter-fed windchill of ought 3 degree!  or somethin like that.  The point of no return was behind Snoopy's hot dog stand. Wearing my ear muffs around my nose was the secret to survival. It felt like a small kitten was chewing on my adam's apple, but it was just my chin strap. The ride was easy and no cops in sight.  The sheceptionist remembered my name and greeted me with a smile, but I fed her indignation.  Normally elbow pain would not send me to the doctor, but it was both elbows and lingering fever. Maybe I have infected elbows from leaning too much at work?   After a thorough once-over, blood pressure reading, temperature taken, pores exfoliated, and 6 x-rays taken the doctor entered with his opinion....stop jerking off so much!    so I inquired about physical therapy.  hahahahahaahh!   He gave me a velcro strap with a built in pad for  pressure in exactly the right spot.  The strap feels good, but what about my elbow?  hahahahaahah

  Anyone know what the official low temperature was last night? After a bright sunrise the tv said 16 degrees. On the way across the street to open the UPS store I thought my Columbia jacket would keep me warm enough for the 1 minute commute, but just to be sure, the commute only took 37 seconds. This kind of cold feels brisk at first-maybe not that bad...and then POW! I gotta get the hell outta here!  A surprising kind of cold. Waaaah!
  Now, like most people who work retail jobs-face to face with the public (or tet a tet,  for the french among you),       I hate the public. So, as I'm unlocking the door at work,  I'm thinking  business should be slow for a while, and anyway, you would have to be retarded to come out for mundane business in this cold. At one minute past unlocking the door a guy walks in and asks "ood ai fak u paypua?",  " could I fax a paper?"    well, I don't know if he is retarded or just has a speech impediment, but I burst out laughing!  I didn't care if he heard I figured he wouldn't get the joke whether he was retarded or had a speech impediment. hahahahaha.   " Now that's funny, I don't care where your from."
  

  As I watch the Fashion Police I wonder what they would think of Ricardo Montalban's white tuxedo. Peter Ishik is hysterical! His analogies are fu u nny. Angelina looked like a bottle of pepto bismol. Her dress was oscar dela wrongta. looked like a loaf of bread. Who is this guy? Ricardo Montalban died today at age 88. Just the other day at work  the little shit asked me someone's last name. I replied "Khaaaann!!" The kid didn't get the reference to the classic exclamation of Captain Kirk to the leader of the Romulans.-those bastards! Everyone should remember the amazing pectorals he developed for the role. My family watched Fantasy Island every Friday night when I was a kid. What a career Herve Villachez had for a week or two.  His world famous greeting will be repeated nearly every day in wod working shops around the world....(please write me if you get that joke) I am laughing my ass off.  "and please, God, give me giant pectoral muscles."
 

  I tell everyone the greatest pleasure comes from learning something new- mainly because I don't have sex much.  I wanted to be a geophysicist. I still love rocks. If you play disc golf at "Kentrock" here in Raleigh you will see an ocean of pebbles and rocks of all colors. I came from far behind and won a golf tournament one time. I played the round of my life by distracting myself between every shot by studying rocks along the fairways. Rarely do I have the opportunity to participate in an actual scientific experiment. This one was in food science...or biology?   It took place in my refrigerator over the last couple of months. Before I proceed, let me first apologize to the squeemish among you, and to those of you with a mop and rag at the ready. I admitmy slovenlyness and I am in a 6 ste-program to help me.  I always knew it was there. A large, dark metallic pot with a locking lid on top. I knew it had began as spaghetti, but pasta can keep for quite a while, right? i mean, I think I looked at it in november, and considered eating it around Thanksgiving...or was it Halloween?  Shit! it is a new year after all, so time to check out that pot. What I found was frightening! It may have been alive-certainly toxic. Science went straight out the window. I am not prepared to contain an epedemic created in my refrigerator,  and my waterproof columbia jacket has a little tear in it, so an aggressive critter may be able to escape. I didn't even consider washing the pot for reuse in the future. I sprinted directly to the dumpster. Let the city deal with the ramifications.
    Here is a photo of the er em...spaghetti. Please don't hate me. I will treat you to dinner out if you fear my housekeeping. Feel free to zoom in on the photo and look for faces of past presidents.
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MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! I finished my shopping today. I don't feel like I procrastinated. Traditional Christmas dinner was shared tonight between somedayseattle , tinytadpole , and G gordon Liddy. We ate at the Jumbo China. It's funny how many hispanics eat at the buffets. I guess this is the land of plenty. Mom and Randy are coming up tomorrow with food!  I am happy, because my options are few, since I don't drive. I am actually blind, you know. I will write a little more later. Does anyone know how to get rid of a cold sope?

   you missed a great tournament today. The weather cleared up as soon as we started. The course was quite wet, but with planning, my discs stayed dry. The first round was a dud, with 9 birdeys and 3 bogeys for a 6 under par. I sat in 11th place out of 15 pros. There were about 40 players total. Most all showed up late after seeing a weather radar and its promising forecast. There were 18 closest to the pin prizes, and they were all wrapped- a nice touch by Craig Ramsdell.  I won a nice beer stein for my shot on hole 12. I  shot the hottest round in the afternoon: 12 under! I give credit to my delicious lunch at the Cook Out of chicken-strip club and hushpuppies. I met some new friends and played with some old friends. I jumped from 11th to 3rd and took home $20!  It just goes to show, children, practice is unimportant.

   My job at the UPS store is really pretty easy, eventhough I complain a lot. The reason I complain and the nightmare that accompanies my existence every month of the year is the insane Christmas rush that punches your stomach for a couple weeks in December. This is my fourth Christmas at the store, and I have dreaded it more than any other, mostly because of the Kid I am forced to work beside. Mostly to get his goat , and because I really meant it- I had told anyone who would listen "I will not be here for Christmas this year, no way no how!"  Now here comes the Napoleon Hill part. Have you ever read the book The Master Key to Riches?  Many people dismiss the premise as new-age mumbo-jumbo, or science-fiction, but those who have applied the techniques would simply point to the results. The book states if you desire a thing wholly, and hold the thought in your mind constantly, and keep your awareness in daily life, then every person place and event will move you closer to that goal that you crystalize in your mind.  The twin-pronged desire so firm in my heart was to not be there for the Christmas rush, and not to work with that damn kid.  Let's look at the results.  The Boss actually scheduled the "kid" to work at the other stor e for the entire week. HOLY SHITBALLS!  Then my darling Liz wanted to pick up one of my days during the hell week. Next thing I know she has taken two of my days bookending my one day off . All of a sudden, if you include the weekend, I have 5 days in a row off!...during Christmas.  No Christmas rush. No spastic kid. Joy to the world... the lord is come.  I urge everyone to read this book, and check the results for yourself.